Love is Louder than the Pressure to be Perfect

confidence
I have been meaning to write this post for ages. I knew the minute that I saw +Demi Lovato's image stating that "Love is Louder than the Pressure to be Perfect" that I wanted to talk about this as I feel that in this day and age there is so much pressure in society to be something else. 

This movement has been ongoing for sometime and it stems from The JED Foundations' project "Love is Louder."



Demi said;
“There’s a ton of pressure out there to meet impossible standards. To look right, be smart, be thin, talented and popular. And many of us feel like we have to be everything to everyone, but it doesn’t have to be that way. When the pressure to be perfect is overwhelming, find an outlet. I love to paint, but there are also other ways to relieve that pressure. You can sing, dance, act, draw, shoot photos, write or run.”

My take on this is very similar. I don't believe that conditioning ourselves to conform with societies ideals is the way forward.  We were born unique for a reason. I have witnessed so many confident displays of individuality, originality, beautiful imperfection and every statement is testament that love truly is louder.  So many people strive to please others to the detriment of their own self-worth.  Being happy is not a quality that should be sacrificed.  You may not always be everyone's cup of tea and that is okay. Strive to be happy and confident and dare to be different rather than blindly following trend. I personally don't think there is "perfection" as such, because people's idea of perfection is different.  I can be happy with my imperfection and that doesn't make me worth any less than the next person.  

We, as people are constantly changing, evolving and that is the nature of world. The few consistencies remain. We all deserve love, respect and require nurturing and support.  Confidence can come in waves. One day you could be abundantly overflowing with high self-esteem and the next day you could be feeling low and questioning your path in life. We are human. Emotive beings whose feelings sculpt our every move.  

I have found that surrounding myself with positive people, rebuking negativity and empowering others is my key to happiness. 


I have down days, I have parts of myself that I love less than others. I have personality traits that breed negative thoughts. I have people who doubt my capability or my intentions.  I strive to accept the things I cannot change and work hard to improve the things I can.  All the while I CHOOSE to be happy.  I choose to fk the haters!  I choose to uplift others so they can become the best versions of themselves possible.  I choose self worth, acceptance and most importantly I CHOOSE LOVE!

xXx

Learning to Love Yourself

appreciation



New Video up on YouTube talking about learning to love yourself, filming this video was prompted by reading some of the comments on a recent FB comment thread within a plus size group.  This video is meant for anyone who is struggling with accepting who they are or finding it hard to love themselves.  I hope that you reach out....

I'm here xx

Yes...I can!! The story behind the Smile

change
**Trigger Warning** - Weight loss, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Mental Health
For so many years I felt as though I had a lead weight around me. Constantly feeling that I could never amount to anything more or wasn't worth investing time in. I just didn't feel worthy. I always made excuses for not doing the things I wanted in life like studying, going for a higher paid job, fulfilling my dreams or taking a chance at a new opportunity because I didn't think I was capable, I didn't know that I was capable, I assumed I wasn't. I had no self belief.

I hated the person I had become; emotionally and physically.  Mentally I was dangling by a very thin thread.  I constantly focused on the negative things that I disliked about myself. I just couldn't see the positives.  I felt worthless. Me being the person that I am I tried to put on a brave face and carry on as if everything was fine but I had become so low that tears flowed regularly and happiness only came in small waves.

So many contributing factors weighed me down, my physical health was spiralling out of control and my mental health took the hardest blow. 

I was fed up of being sick, fed up of nothing changing, fed up of coping, fed up of the hand I had been dealt. I wanted more, I needed it, for my own sanity. I longed to be happy again, I wanted to smile. I wanted to be able to walk without my back, legs and chest aching. 

17 year old Kat (size 28) and baby Mya

After doubling my body weight throughout the 9 months of pregnancy at the age of 16 I was left with a body that I had no idea how to deal with. Before pregnancy I was extremely active with no health issues and when my boyfriend at the time left me 7 months pregnant I found it increasingly difficult to come to terms with the bodily changes I was experiencing.   I didn't have the mental capacity at that age to rationalise and not overeat so I binged, I ate more than I needed to and I had no measure of control.  I was unhappy so I ate for comfort. Before pregnancy I was active; a dancer, during pregnancy I stopped exercising. I barely left the house and if I did it was in a cab.   After having my daughter, I sought help from my doctor and we tried many methods of weight loss. I tried weight watchers, diet plans, diet pills, gym, dieticians referrals, slimming world, I even tried more radical measures behind closed doors like fad pills and starvation techniques. None of these things seemed to stick enough for me to lose the amount of weight I desired.

15 year old Kat (Size 12)
My GP gave me an ultimatum, if I didn't lose a considerable amount of weight I was on track to inherit many of my families illnesses, not in later life as I had imagined but imminently. I was petrified. I didn't want to be an unwell young person. He explained that if I did not shift the weight he would refer me for bariatric surgery as a last resort. I didn't want surgery, I had heard so many negative stories about them that even when I read or heard a positive one it was outweighed by all the bad.

Kat age 19 (Size 26)

In a last attempt to get back to my pre baby levels of fitness I joined a theatre group and took up salsa classes and over that 3 year period I lost my biggest chunk of weight. I dropped from a size 28 to a size 24.  Although I had lost some weight, there were other contributing factors that affected my mental health and I was not any happier.  I was not happy at home or at work, I felt like I wasn't being myself with my friends (I didn't know who I was.)

Kat Age 20 - Size 26
My mental state was undeniably low. I wallowed for a long time. Years in fact, just flitting from day to day in this sedentary state, depressed, unhappy, unworthy,  completely unaware that I held the key to change within me if I just new how to release it.

As you probably know, my weight wasn't the only part of me that I had issues with, my dental situation had peaked and gotten to a stage where I was so embarrassed and fed up of being ridiculed and treated differently because of my appearance that I was thinking irrationally about my place in the world. I felt as though I was a hindrance to my daughter, she was seeing an unhealthy woman as her mother and I was afraid of her developing similar characteristics. I felt like constantly being in and out of hospital due to my asthma, DVT, cysts and other medical problems was putting a strain on my family.  Maybe they would be better off if I wasn't here. 

Speaking about those feelings with my other half or anyone was unbearable, no one seemed to understand my rationale instead they shrugged off my comments with a flick of the hand as if they weren't valid feelings at all.

I was too scared to take my own life and I didn't want to burden my family with the pain of me doing so, but I secretly longed for something to happen to me to make things easier for those I cared about, that way it would be out of my hands.  
My Denture Adventure (2014)

In hindsight, I know that these thoughts weren't a solution, they were my way out though...those feelings are what propelled me to taking the first steps to change.  When I actually thought about my life, I felt like I had a purpose and so much more to give but things were holding me back, the biggest thing being my confidence.

When I finally sought advice from my new GP (I had moved areas) she listened to me and my thoughts and decided to take some action, she referred me for a short course of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and referred me to a bariatric team at St Georges hospital to discuss my weight loss options. She understood my concerns with not wanting surgery but felt that I should discuss all my options with the team to see what the alternatives were.  She also wrote a referral letter to Kings College Dental hospital detailing my severe dental phobia explaining that she recommended treatment in hospital to undergo any work under general anaesthetic not just local (so be put to sleep, rather than just injections or sedation.)  I finally felt like someone in the NHS was listening to me.

This gave me something that I had thought I had lost completely....hope!

CBT was hard and painful, talking about my mental health, weight, dental issues, health concerns, relationship/friendships, work issues all at once was overwhelming and I wasn't sure it was helping at all. I stuck at it though, to prove to myself that I could change if I wanted to.  It wasn't the magic cure, nothing ever is, but it did give me some useful tips that I still use to this day.

GP's referrals on the NHS take an age to come around and as fate would have it, something changed which catapulted my dental journey into action.  One of my front teeth broke.  

That was it....the pivotal moment...the catalyst for change.  I was in pain and I had hit the lowest point I could possibly go.  I couldn't face going out with a front tooth broken in half and hanging off.  I had spent the best part of 13 years with my teeth deteriorating at a rapid rate and I had accepted my teeth were a lost cause that I simply didn't have the courage nor the money to fix (I'm not going to go to much into detail with this as I have documented my whole dental story on YouTube - feel free to give it a watch here)

To summarise, having my teeth sorted was the point of change for me.  I had 16 broken roots/teeth removed under general anaesthetic and a temporary denture fitted. Getting my smile back and overcoming my biggest phobia doing so was a huge eye opener for me.  It made me realise that I was way more capable than I actually thought.  It wasn't an instant confidence boost, if you watch my videos you will see that I actually really struggled with the process but it made a huge difference.  Those who knew me "pre-teeth" commented with such positivity which spurred me on.  

If I hadn't had my teeth done, I wouldn't have started this blog, or had the confidence to try out for Ms Curvaceous UK (my first taster of modelling).  I started blogging to help other people who may be in similar situations, to show that they are not alone.  I wanted to share my story in an attempt to inspire at least one person to battle their fears or inner demons if it meant it would improve their quality of life or instil even a smidgen of confidence.

My audition photos for Ms Curvaceous UK (November 2014 Size 24/22)
Over the last year I have worked my arse off at remaining positive and flushing all negativity and toxic thoughts & behaviours from my life.  Instead of me being negative about things, I adapted, using terms like, "I can do it" or "why the hell not" or "what have I got to lose?"  It is hard to remain positive all the time after all we all have down days but I surround myself with strong, inspirational people who are pillars of strength for me.

Conquering my biggest fear made me evaluate my worth and gave me a brighter outlook on life. I have achieved so many things all which have improved both my physical and mental health as a result of a small change.  My smile brought me confidence to try new things, which involved being braver in my outfit choices, taking part in group exercise classes which I previously would've shied away from for fear of ridicule, a more positive outlook & a greater love for my body flaws and all.

My health has improved drastically, I've been cleared of DVT, my asthma is well controlled, I haven't had any reoccurring episodes of previous cysts, my mouth is no longer in pain,  I have been tested for some of the illnesses that my parents suffer with and I do not appear to have indicators at this stage in my life and providing I can continue to care a bit more about this one body I have then I hope I can keep those illnesses away.

Being more active has made me lose not so much weight but inches, I have lost some weight but in the space of a year I have dropped two dress sizes and I am comfortably sitting between an 18/20.  I have learnt that my body is a beautiful and powerful thing and instead of being negative about the things I don't like, I choose to concentrate on the fact that I am happy with it just the way it is right now, if my body changes then so be it.  I'm not going to shed another tear over it. It's my body and I love it just the way it is.  No more fad diets, I love food and I'm bloody going to enjoy it just not binge when I am down and instead of eating rubbish all the time, I'm trying to think about what I am putting in my body and when.  

Various stages of inch loss through fitness classes (all 2015)

I'm not in a huge rush to lose any more weight, I do however want my fitness to improve though. My fitness instructor and good friend Louise and I have set myself a rather big goal for 2016 and I will achieve that goal cos I am powerful and strong, capable, beautiful and I can do anything I set my mind to.

Thank you for listening to me, writing this has been extremely difficult, but quite therapeutic...I don't often share it.  I hope it gives you a little insight into the story behind the smile.
Me & my smile (2015)

Xx

#PSBloggersInstagramAdvent

#psbloggersinstagramadvent
So +Debz A arranged another fantastic way to spread some #PSbloggerlove by creating an Instagram advent calendar.  Each day is devoted to a specific blogger and on each day we post pictures of the chosen blogger and shower them with love and positivity.  You'll know this is right up my street, I love showing people how much I love and appreciate them and giving compliments are free and can mean so much to recipient!  I have first hand experience of that today because, today; Day 9; 9th December belonged to me!

Here are the the kind & heartfelt words that my friends have posted about me today.  Each message made me feel so empowered and it's so refreshing to hear people praising you and complimenting you especially when you aren't feeling on top of your game.  These words couldn't have come at a better time.

I want to thank every single one of you babes for taking the time to write such beautiful things about me. I really am overwhelmed and bursting with love for all of you.  So today, I devote my #WCW to every single one of you ladies.

You warmed my heart today so thank you so very much. I am eternally grateful. 













If you aren't following these ladies - you SHOULD be....make that happen...

Charli - @Curvygirlthin
Lottie - @Lottielamour
Leah - @LeahXL
Nikki - @Nattynikki
Lucia - @ucantwearthat
Kerry-Anne - @volutptuouschatterbox
The Rubenesque Effect - @rubenesque_pr
Mookie - @Mookie7x7
Becky - @VeryHugryFaterpillar
Kerry - @Ruby_thunder
Samantha - @reallifesamgirl
Amanda - @amandaapparel
Laura - @whatlauraloves
Tanya - @secretplussizegoddess
Michelle - @Divine_delights

Xx

The Kurve Kit; The Keys to Confidence - Episode 1 Part 1

#thekurvekit

Introducing "The Kurve Konfidential series" Brought to you by The Kurve Kit, showcasing 5 fierce women who want to share their experiences on subjects such as building confidence, self love, body positivity and acceptance. It would mean the world to us to get your feedback, so please subscribe, like, share and/or leave a comment. Let us know what you think...

Kicking off the first series of The Kurve Konfidential, we have Episode 1 Part 1 - The Keys To Confidence. 
We focus on two main questions,
1. When did you start to love your body?
2. Describe a time you lacked body Confidence.

We hope that this will invoke some responses from the community to share their own stories with us, or even inspire someone to speak out about their issues and tips to overcome them.

 So here are the 5 ladies involved;

Francesca
Kurve Kit Creator, Blogger, Curvesome Yoga Ambassador, Stylist, Vlogger
Instagram https://instagram.com/thekurvekit/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/kurvekit
Blog: https://thekurvekit.wordpress.com/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/thekurvekit



Tanya Brannan
Plus Size Blogger, Model
Instagram: https://instagram.com/secretplussizeg...
Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/SecretPSGo...
Blog: http://secretplussizegoddess.blogspot...
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Secretplussi...


Michelle Carter
Plus Size Blogger, Model
Instagram: https://instagram.com/divine_delights/
Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/Dazzle_Divine
Blog: https://myfatandi.wordpress.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/myfatandi






Judi Love
Comedienne, Actress, Writer, Vlogger.
https://m.facebook.com/1Judi.love
https://mobile.twitter.com/1Judilove
https://instagram.com/1judilove/

And me of course!! (but I'll skip the intros)

Big Thanks to our Creative Director & editor Likwid Design Solutions

We hope you like our first episode and can't wait to share the next one with you too...

Xx

No Shade Zone

#empowerment #bodyconfidence #selflove #acceptance #allgirlsrock #everybodyisbeautiful #nohatezone #spreadlove #wearethethey #psbloggers

Positivity invokes positivity but the flip side to that is that negativity breeds negativity.

Tearing strips of each other will never make us stronger. However a kind comment, well placed speaks volumes.

I believe in boosting each other up, empowering others to realise their true beauty, supporting others in their own journeys and spreading love where ever I can.

No one of us are the same as another so we should be celebrating our individuality.

You will never find any shade being thrown here. You are all beautiful and there is plenty of space for us all to exist happily without having to step on each other or beat each other down to big ourselves up. It's neither warranted nor necessary!

Be kind...it's free!

One love <3 Xx

Can I get an "AMEN" up in here??

acceptance
Every single human in the world deserves the right to be happy!  Without exception!!

Other people's opinions hold too much weight.

The minute you stop taking stock of how other people perceive you to be, will be the minute you begin your journey to self acceptance and in time...self love.

I've been watching a load of RuPaul's Drag Race recently and she says a line which really hits home for me....

"If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else!"

and to that I give the biggest "A-MEN" cos you have to love yourself first.

We all have flaws and parts of ourselves that we don't love, but those flaws are in our hands to change should we want to.

Once you love you - others will see the inner beauty surpass the outer beauty and you will positivity glowing!

YOU CAN DO IT!

I believe in you!

First step - look in that mirror....right now....do it...now pick one thing that you dislike about yourself.....got it....now instead of thinking negatively about it - find a positive about it (no matter how small or insignificant the positive may be - there will be one) Now say that positive spin out loud....BE PROUD...now repeat it.....and again (with attitude...baby) and keep saying it until something clicks and it will - that click is acceptance!  Once you feel that click - remember that feeling and keep flicking back to it when you're feeling low.

My example; Stretch Marks

So my positive spin - These are my tiger stripes, my daily reminder that my baby girl changed my life for the better. I love her - so I love my stripes!!

I try to do this at least once a day and it really does help - you feel like a right wally at first - but eventually you will find more and more things that once were a hindrance that you can now be thankful for.

Xx

What changed?? My Body Confidence story

#psbloggers
Up until September 2014 I had severe dental problems. Lots of missing teeth, broken teeth and decay. I was born with a calcium deficiency which meant I could eat something as soft as a banana and my teeth would break. I was suffering with a severe case of dental phobia after many dental visits ending badly, poor advice and bad experiences. I couldn't go to the dentist. I was ashamed of the way I looked and I was ridiculed for it.


Left to Right - Me age 15 - before pregnancy.  Me age 17 about 6 months after my daughter was born.

I was very depressed due to my teeth and my weight which I have battled with for years. I doubled in weight throughout pregnancy going from a size 12 to a 28 in 9 months. I was a dance student but I couldn't carry on dancing due to my weight gain and baby bump and being left by my boyfriend 7 months pregnant nearly broke me. 

It had taken me 14 yrs with various different methods like exercise, weight watchers, slimming world, diet pills and referral to a dietician to bring my weight down to roughly 18 stone and a size 22. I'd had enough I sought help from my GP as I had hit rock bottom and I was on the verge of a breakdown. 

It was only when one Doc finally listened & referred me for CBT, to the bariatric team at St Georges Hospital to seek advice about potential surgical intervention & to Kings College Hospital to undergo full dental reconstruction that I started to feel the fear ease.  I was ready to take back my life.

Having my teeth done was the catalyst to regain my confidence and build myself back up again. I found my smile. I was finally happy and the positive feedback from all you bloggers and family and friends help me learn to love my body.  I started setting myself little achievable goals and I started to realise that if I conquered my biggest phobia I was capable of anything. I started moving more, I downloaded a pedometer on my phone and committed myself to taking 10,000 steps per day. I hate walking, I would take a cab from my house to my car if I could. I didn't change what I ate I still enjoyed what I love and I bloody love food and cake and doughnuts and chocolate and sweets and all things in between, I just tried to moderate it, like maybe not eating a doughnut a day plus plus a Wispa and a big dinner. I am not a big portions gal so I just needed to curb my daytime snacking at work (I still struggle with this...I reckon I always will)

I found that by me moving more alone was changing my body shape, giving me more definition in my bum and waist and seeing the progress spurred me on to try harder.
Joining LouiseBunnyHop dance & fitness class has boosted my confidence tenfold. Being in a room of real women with varying body shapes and sizes gave me more enthusiasm. I wasn't going to be picked on because of my weight or size.  I was embraced and welcomed. At first I told myself just ease yourself back in, do one class and soon enough I was doing 3 a week as I love it so much.

Since I committed to moving more I have shed just under a stone but I have dropped 2 dress sizes sitting comfortably in an 18/20.

Having a solid support network is what has got me through, I have made friends with people in similar situations at every step of the way and having people who relate and do not judge has been the most helpful tool.

It's funny that my teeth were holding me back from achieving a dream that I had had since I was young. I always wanted to Model and be a MUA and now I am doing both of these things. I have more ambition more dreams. I want to complete Bunny training an become a Louise BunnyHop instructor, I love dancing and I want people to feel how I feel when I go to her classes; empowered, confident and full of a new found lease of life.

I am loving the definition of my curves which I never have seen on me before, it's giving me more confidence to step out of my comfort zone with regards to embracing fashion.

My most important fact is that I am happy and that is making me strive to continue on this journey towards being the healthiest version of myself possible.

I love my body and that makes me want to take care of it which I had not been doing for many many years.

I hope that gives you a bit of an insight to me, if you ever want someone to talk to about your journey I'm here...I'd love to hear your stories.
Xx

 Me before dental work & in the immediate weeks after surgery.

My new smile :)

#WeAreTheThey

#wearethethey
When Debz of The (Not So) Secret Diary of a Wannabe Princess created the #WeAreTheThey hashtag to stand up to Jamelia's harsh words on Loose Women last week, I never in a million years would've thought we could make it trend on Twitter. I am astounded by the strength & resilience we as a Plus Size Community have together. Standing proud we hit back at the statement from Jamelia in which she stated,
 
“I do not think it's right to facilitate people living an unhealthy lifestyle."
 
“They should be made to feel uncomfortable when they go in and can't find a size.”
 
Whilst I believe that everyone is entitled to an opinion how you share that opinion should be considered.  To make someone feel ashamed, hurt or embarrassed, segregated or unworthy is really not okay. It is a form of discrimination.
 
We are Human and funnily enough we are all unique. We come in different shapes & sizes, so why can't we all just accept that and not seek to shame each other for our differences.
 
So in revolt the plus size community took to social media putting a face to the "They" that Jamelia was singling out. The "They" is not a faceless embodiment of beings in society... we are real people...
#WeAreTheThey
 
Here was my 2 pence worth....
 
We are nothing to be ashamed of, we are strong, we are not the minority, we can be happy, we can be healthy, we come in all shapes and sizes, we are beautiful...we are women...
 
#WEARETHETHEY
 
I am 31, 5ft 4, size 18/20.  I have been a size 12 and I have been a size 28 and I have worked my ass of to get to where I am now.  I am a happy, confident woman, I am a mother, I work hard, I support my family, I am a signed Plus Size/Curve Model & Fashion and Beauty Blogger. I am beautiful and I deserve to be happy...I strive to be healthier but I am not ashamed of who I am.
 
#IAmMe
 
#Stophating #nohatezone #wearethey #bodyshamingisnotok #itsdisrimination #everybodyisbeautiful #allgirlsrock #effyourbeautystandards #psbloggers #thepsbloggers #empowerment #bodyconfidence #selflove #loveyourself
 

Roller....Coaster.....

feel good
Hey there Kittens,

Woah, these last few weeks/months have been a total roller coaster.

I have had so much good news, opportunities, some blips but mostly positive things.  Blogging has unfortunately had to take a back seat during this whirlwind, but I fully intend to get back into the swing of things.

The next few posts will be some highlights for you :)  hope you enjoy....

Life is good right now...

...can't nothing bring me down! :)


Positivity

communication

It's not always easy to keep the smile on your face, but I always try to find those little things that can help brighten my mood instantly.

When I am down I try to find the good out of the situation. I am a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason."  We may not understand that concept fully and many people say that thinking like that is easier said than done especially when life has thrown you a crap hand for so long.

I agree, but I like to think that in every situation there are multi options, we chose whichever route seems best at the time.  It may be the case that that route is actually more of a detour or diversion on the intended route but it will bring you out to the same destination none the less, although it may take a little longer. Kinda like a curve ball. You may need to make a series of decision detours to end up at your desired destination but life is what ever you want it to be. Only you are in charge of your own destiny, so why not spend your time looking for the good and positive things rather than allowing your inner demons to drag you down.

You can and will get though whatever life throws at you.

You are strong, resilient & worth more.

Hey, the situation you just threw my way...yeah that one...it sucks but I refuse to let it beat me down. I will do better.

I leave you with one thing...

Communication

In times of darkness you could try and find the light at the end of the tunnel by yourself but if you need a hand to help you through...I am here!

You may not know me but I would love to know you and I may not be able to fix your problems, but I can be an ear to listen or a friend if you need me.

Just drop me a line...

...I never want you to feel like you are alone in this world... so please know that you are not!

Sometimes just talking it through with someone or venting can be a help so rather than dismiss it entirely...why not try it? What have you got to lose from talking about it?

Xx

The Body Project

achievement
I have signed up to a fitness programme called "The Body Project" which is a 10 week programme of healthy eating, exercise & mindfulness.  You have a check list of "to-do's" to do including things like; eating a healthy breakfast, being alcohol free for the day,drinking 2 litres of water, engaging in a 30 minute workout and much more.  Each to-do will earn you points.  We are in a small team and obviously competing against not only ourselves, but also other members of both our teams & the organisation as a whole.

This all kicks off tomorrow & runs for the next 10 weeks.  After my full on weekend, the last thing I wanted to do on a Sunday night was run 1km or do a fitness test, but I pushed myself as I really want to see the benefits of this project.

So I did it.  I jogged round the block nearly 3 times (in icy conditions may I add!) I wouldn't usually run anwhere, I think the only time I run is for the train/bus. So for me to run out of choice is a big achievement.

What I want to achieve out of "The Body Project"
  • I would like to drop a dress size over the 10 week period
  • I want to increase my fitness levels
  • I want to kick-start a lifestyle change to make me the healthiest version of me possible.
Wish me luck!!

:)
xx