Diary Entry: Sunday 30th December

Hello Sunday - I officially dub thee #SelfCareSunday. 

I am in serious need of some decent pampering.  When money isn't an issue, my ideal type of R&R is a spa trip complete with massage, facial and pedicure.  Right now - I just do not have the funds to accommodate my expensive pastime so I have found a way to bring the spa to me!
First up; a hot bubble bath with a cup of Epsom Salts & Radox - Muscle Soak. I lit the candles (even the flameless ones and relaxed into the suds with a Spotify meditation playlist.
I gave myself a mini-facial. I always start with an exfoliant; Goldfaden MD Doctor's Scrub.  This little pot of heaven is one of the most expensive skincare products I own, but it is worth it's weight in gold as it has really rejuvenated my tired and dull complexion.  I have quite severe acne scarring and hyper-pigmentation and over the years I have tried hundreds of products in an attempt to clear my skin.  This product was originally recommended by my bestie Sian, who used to work at top beauty chain Space:NK and I am eternally grateful for the recommendation; my wallet however does not agree!  This 100ml container will set you back £65.00 daylight robbery - I know!  My first bottle was kindly gifted to me by Sian and at the time, I had no idea of the hefty price tag. I always knew it would be expensive, but not quite that much.  I was so impressed with the results that I haven't thought twice about paying for a new pot. 
Today I trialled a 7th Heaven Manuka Honey facemask which was meant to be a peeling mask.  I had seen people raving about these masks all over the net, so I was really keen to try it but I'm sad to say it didn't work for me.  The mask smelt heavily of honey, a scent that I am not that keen on and even though I set my timer for 25 mins to allow it to dry, it did not peel off.  I ended up having to scrub it off my face.
After patting my face dry with a clean towel, Yes pat, not wipe I spritzed my face in my second fave product; Jurlique Rosewater Balancing Mist.  This is yet another product which since Sian recommended it, I have been hooked.  This is another quite pricey product for something that is basically water but again I have found that this really gives my skin an instant hydration boost.  You can buy Jurlique products direct from them or through many online retailers. This little 50ml bottle is perfect for travel (as it's under 100ml) and it will set you back between £14-20 depending on retailer.
I finish off my facial with a botanical day cream from my favourite product brand; Garnier UK.  I use the Natural Rose Water Moisturiser for Sensitive Skin to massage some life back into my face leaving it feeling supple and revitalised.
Just like my skincare, I am very picky about my shampoo/conditioners, I once tried to follow the Curly Girl method, but I am both lazy and like to style my curls with heat products far too often, so I never stuck to it.  I do however always look for products with no sulphates, silicone or parabens.  I rarely stray from my fave brand with shampoo/conditioner.  I use their Ultimate Blends range for both, I have trialled many of the scents but always favour the ones with coconut in.  My fave combo is the Argan & Camelia Oils shampoo & conditioner, but it is so hard to find in stores these days!  I do still "plop" my hair when I am opting for my natural curls.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to straighten my hair so I didn't apply any product before plopping, I just wrapped in an old t-shirt rather than towel drying which really drys out my curls and causes unnecessary frizz. One curl clearly didn't get the plopping memo!!
Body lotion is a MUST in my world. My skin is usually quite dry, so when I found Garnier's Hydralock body lotion, I knew I would never use another body cream again.  Unfortunately, many shops have stopped stocking this product which makes me so sad, so I have to order it only and sometimes finding it can be quite tricky, I will persevere though cos this lotion is THE best body lotion I have ever tried, it doesn't leave your skin feeling dry even when it has fully absorbed, it really does lock in the moisture!
I finish off my self care ritual by sticking on my AromaWorks Electric Diffuser which I bought myself as my birthday treat. I adore the lemongrass essential oil scent, so I add a few drops to the water and bask in the relaxing smell.
What do you use to wind down, relax? Or what are your steps to self care?

I feel all pampered and ready to conquer the week ahead.
Nite nite world


Diary Entry: Saturday 29th December

Apologies, I have been rather waylaid today.  I have thoroughly #Hinched my bathroom, blitz my living room and did a deep clean on my bedroom. I have been a very very busy Kitty.

I am pooped - I'm pretty sure that if I were not fighting an infection I would have cleaned at a much faster speed, but I didn't rush; I took my time, took regular chocolate breaks and managed to conquer some major chunks of my to-do list. Well done you.

I didn't want to enter into a new year living in squalor and holding onto useless shit that I have neither looked at nor needed over the last 12 months.  A deep cleanse is good for the soul.

I threw away all the half used products that were cluttering my bath sides, I got under my bed and sorted through all my handbags, got a tonne of bags and odds & sods to take over to a charity shop tomorrow. I dragged every item of clothing in my wardrobe out to sort and refold to make space for my Spring '19 wardrobe.

I plan to give myself ONE task to tackle each non-working day to keep me busy until I am back to work full time;

  • I need to finish listing my mountain of clothes on Vinted.
  • I need to sort my coats & jackets cupboard - donate or sell what I am not using.
  • I have a pile of clothing that needs to be shot/blogged
  • I have over 180GB of images to sort through and rehouse appropriately.
  • I need to learn the new BOOST tracks and record them.
  • I need to finish choreographing my five new tracks, to send to Lou for her approval.
  • I need to pick 2 hours worth of music for my first show back at Ridge Radio (in our new location)

I am sure there are more jobs - but these are the ones that spring to mind immediately.

One job a day is a SMART goal. It is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-Based.  Oh won't Vanessa (my therapist) be proud of me!

Small Child has a lift home from her party so for now - I'm off to eat a Sloppy Giuseppe, take a HOT bath and relax in my lovely clean flat.  All is right in the world.


On Wednesday's We Wear #PinkClove

This Candy Cane invite from Pink Clove UK had me gagging from the second I unwrapped it.

Of course I would attend their Pre Christmas Meal - I mean c'mon was there ever gonna be a reality where I declined this invite!?

The not-so subtle #MeanGirls tag lines reeled me in hook, line & sinker.  #YouCANSitWithUs and #OnWednesdaysWeWearPinkClove were just genius!

The invite even said "A Candy Cane for you and none for Gretchen Weiners...Bye" 

The dress code was #FETCH - so I just had to find myself the most #MeanGirlsesque outfit to make sure I was living my "Plastics" fantasy!

I found the cutest little check skirt from Pink Clove which is currently reduced in the sale down to just £10.99. You can grab it here. I teamed it with a blush coloured sweater and fluffy pink heels. 

We all arrived at the plush lunch venue in time for cocktails.  Rosso was decked in crisp white, silver and gold Christmas decorations in preparation for the festive season. It looked so pretty, I wished I could take pics all over this venue - but when it's crammed and people are there to eat and be merry it's not really appropriate to hold a mini photo-shoot (please - who am I kidding, like that stopped us!)

I asked the bartender to make me a sweet daiquri. Many people assume you want a frozen strawberry one, don't get me wrong I love that drink, but I fancied a straight. It didn't disappoint, it was made to perfection.

After a short delay we were seated at our table complete with crackers and a delectable menu.  Aww we even had place names and gift bags - the PinkClove Team have really pulled out all the stops.

All the other ladies had ordered this stunning little number. When I saw it had candy floss in it - I had to try it. You guys know I adore candy floss.  The "Hed Kandi" is originally made with Vodka, now as you guys may not know, I am allergic to Vodka. No I don't mean like, drink too many and it makes me sick, I mean full anaphylaxis - hives, throat closure, stomach pumped, full allergic reaction, so I asked the bartender to sub the vodka out and replace with some other spirit that would compliment the flavours.  He rolled with white rum - works for me. The drink was delish and I cannot recommend it enough.

Dinner was divine. Each course was cooked to perfection and well presented.  Portion sizes were perfect for me. The sign of a good feed is a well sated Kat.

I started with the Zuppa Di Porri - a creamed leek, parsnip & potato soup with crispy onions. Such a delicious fusion of flavours. Would have loved a bread roll to accompany it, but hey!

For mains I chose the Porchetta Arrosto - Slow roasted pork belly with chestnut mash and spiced
apple & mustard chutney. One word - WOW! It was cooked just right, even the crackling was tasty and I am not usually a crackling fan.  All the flavours gave just the right amount of Christmas zing.  It was truly a tasty dish.

Afters was a trio of bitesize desserts. Trionfo Di Dolce Alla Rosso - Spiced clementine & mincemeat trifle slice, Panettone dark chocolate truffle and Earl grey infused sticky toffee pudding. I didn't want that little plate of goodness to end, it was utterly to die for - especially that trifle slice!

After feeding it was time to mingle with the other babes, leaving plenty of time for selfies, Mean Girls trivia and quick fire Christmas questions.

Cracker time deffo called for Christmas Crowns - PINK of course! 

I had only met Ami beforehand so meeting the other ladies was a real treat. I had followed Laurie, Kayleigh and Joey on Instagram for a while so I was a tad starstruck and meeting Harry and Sophie really made my day. These ladies are such bad ass babes and I had a blast with them and the Pink Ladies. 
I want to extend a huge thank you from all of us to the #PinkLadies of PinkCloveUK for thinking of every little detail to make this day out so special.

I had the best time.

Merry Christmas Y'all


Diary Entry; Friday 28th December

Some days just do not go to plan. FACT. The real test is more about how you deal with that statement.

Yesterday I didn't do anything on my to-do list... not one thing.

It got to around 3pm and I figured that I needed daylight to do many of the tasks and seeing as the sun was due to set in less than an hour, I unwillingly accepted defeat.

Well done Kat, failed at life...again.

I retired to my couch in my Mickey Mouse Pjs, using my fluffy new throw to block out the world, while I ate far too much pâté and binge-watched season three of How To Get Away With Murder.

Keeping my mind busy while negative thoughts at present is easier said than done.  I couldn't shake the feeling that I had really let myself down, wasted precious time and let my negativity win. I found myself feeling really low, despondent and frustrated in myself.

I find that it's really easy to let those kind of thoughts win in scenarios like this. Especially at times when I am struggling with rationalising my thoughts and balancing my moods. In my rational mind (when I am not struggling) I can usually accept that some things just do not go to plan, accept that I am not a failure and plan to tackle my jobs on another day without beating myself up about it. The reality is that at the moment, I am struggling. There is no shame in that. I am not rationalising my negative thoughts very well at all.

I have recently started my second course of CBT to help me cope with my depression & anxiety.  CBT really helped me back in 2012 when I hit my lowest ebb, so I was keen to see if it could help again. I am pleased to say that I think it really does help me. I get that it may not suit everyone but for me I find it extremely cathartic to be able to talk to someone completely impartial.  Talking to friends and family is sometimes just not as helpful as it may seem. I often find that talking to friends can actually result in me slipping into the role of the listener. That's not a bad thing at all, friendship is meant to be a two way street so I am happy to be the listening ear if a friend needs me. However talking to my therapist is different.  She just listens, without knowing the people involved or being present in the situations she is able to offer advice and support without prejudice or opinion which helps me rationalise the situation myself.

So using some of the tools that I learnt in CBT I managed to dig myself out of my funk. I figured that I could make a plan to tackle the jobs tomorrow (today).

I planned to get up nice and early... Check!
I planned to write today's entry.... Check!
I planned to try my hardest to do at least one job on my list... not just yet. It is early still. I have the whole day ahead of me and I am feeling good.

How do you guys rationalise negative thoughts?


Diary Entry; Thursday 27th December

Morning All,

Woke up with warm winter sun rays beating through my curtains, shining uneccessarily brightly in my tired eyes. Pretty sure my eyes are glued shut from all the nasty excess eyegunk that seems to accumulate when you're full of cold, but I can feel the rays nonetheless. It's morning...yay! *said with sarcasm* I'm still tired and I feel like a truck has bulldozed me in the night. I fight all urges to roll over and return to the land of nod. Bed sooo comfy and warm...outside mean and cold...

Get up Kat

No one else is awake. Small Child in true Kevin & Perry form is fast asleep and will only surface with the smell of bacon or the promise of McDonald's breakfast. The Boy is  stirring...he won't wanna wake up just yet. No need, he's still full of cold too thanks to "Sicky Vicky" (Small Child) who shared her lurgie with us all. Sharing a cold is not caring guys, FYI.

Poxy work phone is now making noises and The Boy stirs with every one. I reach over turn it onto mute. Less than 2 mins later the same inanimate object is yet again making noises. I just put u on mute...literally just 2 minutes ago why are u still making noise?

It's clearly some notification that bypasses the mute override function, meh I hate Apple products. On Android it does what it's told. Silent means SILENT. Stupid poxy work phone. I miss my BlackBerry. 

Oh man I hear the dustbin men clambering around outside. I'm pretty sure I haven't taken my food bin downstairs. What week is it? Is it black bin day or recycling day? What even day is it? Isn't it bin day Tuesday, I swear today is Thursday?!  Sod it, I ain't rushing around trying to catch the bin men, did I mention it's cold outside?? The bins won't die if they miss one rotation. I hope Mum No. 2 has done us a solid and took it down for us cos that bin reaks when it ain't emptied. *Mum No. 2 is my M.I.L, she lives in the same block of flats just the floor above us* Still not important enough to drag my arse outta bed to check. I will have to trust in good faith that she has.

Today's plan; Get up, Grab some brekkie and attack my list of jobs with a new found purpose. Who made this stupid plan? Lazing in bed sounds like a far more appealing option.
Urgh get thee behind me Satan, thou shalt not prevail today! I will get up...maybe not just yet...but I will at least make the effort to check one thing off my to-do list.

What time is it? Rah it's 10am already...No time like the present eh?

Wish me luck!!

I woke up like this *literally*!!


Start as you mean to go on...

As a child I religiously kept a diary. I wrote in it all my deepest fears, thoughts, secrets and documented my life in great detail. When times evolved, my diary became my LiveJournal, then a MySpace then my MSN live page and eventually I joined the book of faces rendering my diary useless.

In 2019, I want to get back into old habits. I want to use my blog to be more present in my day to day life, instead of just for the occasional post about clothing or products. I want to reconnect. Not only to myself but to you guys. I want to get to know you and in return I hope you will enjoy getting to know me.

2019 will be a busy year, I plan to travel lots, get back some semblance of normality and I want you guys to enjoy the good, the bad and the ugly with me.

I want to use this year to grow, in so many ways...hang on I have just scratched my forearm on a broken Thai Sweet Chilli crisp that I clearly dropped on my tummy earlier (don't judge me I'm lying here in the dark writing this to you...I totally just ate the culprit too. #wastenotwantnot). Apologies, I digress...I was talking about growth. I have had a hellish end to 2018 and I am ready to attack 2019 with gusto. Ewww there are crisp crumbs in my neck rolls, I would eat them too but they are mixed with Vicks vapour rub, so I will just leave those right there.

I'm not gonna make any grandiose resolutions which I know full well I won't keep but I will make a promise to myself to practice more self care and love so that I can get back to running on full steam but whilst I do that I need to look after my mental health too. I have taken a proper beating this year. I have been the lowest I have felt in a long long time and we all know that going back to Kat circa. 2012 would never end well.

Let's sum up my year just for those who don't know me well enough or those fake watcher types who just lurk in your "friends" list for shady, snakey purposes...

• Jan 2018 to Oct 2018 - I spent a great deal of the year being everywhere. I was crowned Ms International Curve in Oct 2017, so throughout my reigning year, I wanted to promote the pageant system in every possible way I could. I attended over 60 events, from red carpet to charity work. I literally threw my heart and soul into EVERY opportunity, I do not regret one second of it. I wish I could do it all over again.

• I took part in a campaign with Yours Clothing; #TakeThePledge where, Hollie of Pretty Big Butterflies, Laura of What Laura Loves and I stripped down to our pretty undies to be sketched live by some extremely talented artists.

•  I literally bore all in a daring interview for BBC Three called The Naked Truth. You guessed right...I was NAKED and no I don't mean like implied nudity, I was as starkers as the day I was born...in front of the world.  It was quite a liberating experience, not gonna lie! If you haven't seen the show it's still available on YouTube so take a little look-see down below;

• As a result of the BBC Three documentary, I went on daytime TV to talk about it with two of my co-hosts, Jo & Sophie. We met Eammon & Ruth on ITV's This Morning.  If you missed it you can watch our interview right here. We also were interviewed on BBC Radio 5 Live.

• I was extremely lucky to be able to model for some amazing brands like Yours Clothing, Viva Voluptuous and Sierra Blu Fashion. I took part in catwalk fashion shows and I even hosted the Ms Curvaceous UK grand finals.

• I stripped down once again and then rolled my fat ass in gold glitter paint and frolicked through the fields with other glittery fat babes for #VivaGlitter 

• I launched my own project called "The Yes I Can Initiative".  Due to ill health the project had to be halted mid launch - but this will resume once I am back on my feet.

• I took on my own segment at local radio station Ridge Radio. 

• Towards the end of Oct 18 my health took a nosedive. I have lived with auto immune diseases for many years and my immune system gave up on me and as a result my body has really suffered this year. I'm not gonna go into detail regarding my health in this post because I'm gonna do a separate one about that soon as I feel that it deserves its own time to shine!

So as you can see I have been blessed with some amazing highs (although there seems to be a recurring naked theme going on here) but I have also struggled through some really harrowing events. Most of which none of you will know about. That's not because I haven't told anyone but because I am such a busy person and I do everything with a smile on my face, people assume everything is gravy! Truth is...what goes on behind the scenes is not always what people show on social media.

One thing you guys will very quickly learn about me is I hate to feel like I am a burden on others. I hate letting people down and as such I often over promise/over commit to my own detriment. I like to be there for others and be the one they can depend on, as a result it often means that I don't have anyone to lean on when I am struggling and this year...when I have needed it most I have found that a lot of the people that I have helped over the years don't have the time to return the sentiment. It's been eye opening to say the least. I've done a lot of soul searching and decluttering both my living spaces, head space and most importantly my friends lists from the toxic "friendships" that I had made along the way.

I have re-prioritised my life goals and made list upon list of what really matters to me and what I literally have zero fks left for in my fk budget!

I am making more time for ME.
I am focusing more on ME and those who matter to ME.
I am doing the things that make ME happy.
I am removing the things from my life that bring ME down.
I am #ReclaimingMyTime 

I would love if you guys would join me on this little adventure called "living" I plan to live my life to the fullest and I'm really looking forward to sharing it with you guys.

Keep in touch x