Diary Entry; Friday 28th December
09:54
Some days just do not go to plan. FACT. The real test is more about how you deal with that statement.
Yesterday I didn't do anything on my to-do list... not one thing.
It got to around 3pm and I figured that I needed daylight to do many of the tasks and seeing as the sun was due to set in less than an hour, I unwillingly accepted defeat.
Well done Kat, failed at life...again.
I retired to my couch in my Mickey Mouse Pjs, using my fluffy new throw to block out the world, while I ate far too much pâté and binge-watched season three of How To Get Away With Murder.
Keeping my mind busy while negative thoughts at present is easier said than done. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had really let myself down, wasted precious time and let my negativity win. I found myself feeling really low, despondent and frustrated in myself.
I find that it's really easy to let those kind of thoughts win in scenarios like this. Especially at times when I am struggling with rationalising my thoughts and balancing my moods. In my rational mind (when I am not struggling) I can usually accept that some things just do not go to plan, accept that I am not a failure and plan to tackle my jobs on another day without beating myself up about it. The reality is that at the moment, I am struggling. There is no shame in that. I am not rationalising my negative thoughts very well at all.
I have recently started my second course of CBT to help me cope with my depression & anxiety. CBT really helped me back in 2012 when I hit my lowest ebb, so I was keen to see if it could help again. I am pleased to say that I think it really does help me. I get that it may not suit everyone but for me I find it extremely cathartic to be able to talk to someone completely impartial. Talking to friends and family is sometimes just not as helpful as it may seem. I often find that talking to friends can actually result in me slipping into the role of the listener. That's not a bad thing at all, friendship is meant to be a two way street so I am happy to be the listening ear if a friend needs me. However talking to my therapist is different. She just listens, without knowing the people involved or being present in the situations she is able to offer advice and support without prejudice or opinion which helps me rationalise the situation myself.
So using some of the tools that I learnt in CBT I managed to dig myself out of my funk. I figured that I could make a plan to tackle the jobs tomorrow (today).
I planned to get up nice and early... Check!
I planned to write today's entry.... Check!
I planned to try my hardest to do at least one job on my list... not just yet. It is early still. I have the whole day ahead of me and I am feeling good.
How do you guys rationalise negative thoughts?
Xx
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