Diary Entry - Friday 4th January

#BOOSTFit
Dunno if you noticed but I have added a little positive quote or two into my posts of late. This is cos my friends bought me a little calendar for 2019 which gives me a positive quote for each day of the year.

The last two quotes have really resonated with me;
Jan 3rd was "Make Today Count" and today's (Jan 4th) was "Let Go - Move Forward"
Thurs 3rd Jan was a tough day painwise.  It's that time of the month and when I am on my pain seems to be exacerbated, especially for my back & hips.  Cramps make my life miserable and the current situation with needing to keep my wound clean and dry is virtually impossible during this time.  Despite being really uncomfortable with the level of pain I was experiencing, I was determined to try and "make today count" so I made sure that I did half a days work (as agreed with my Supervisor) which was my goal for the day.  Unfortunately my pain increased throughout the duration of the day. I had planned to go to BOOSTfit in Lingfield in the evening, but due to my pain I couldn't manage it.  

Great start to January Kat! I felt like a proper failure.  

It was only really by fluke that I flipped the page to the next day's quote..."Let Go - Move Forward" and instead of wallowing in the looming pit of negativity, I chose to try and alter my mindset.  Yes I am in pain but despite that I have achieved one of my main goals today.  I spent time with one of my best friends today.  All these things are progress. Focus on that instead. Let go of those negative feelings, they attach no value to your life right now...move forward. 

Today was far more productive, I assume that this is because I had my first session of CBT since before Christmas.  It was good to talk, I had a lot of experiences to talk through with Vanessa and it felt really cathartic to get it all off my chest, compartmentalise it all and to try and rationalise my negative thoughts.

I left CBT with a really positive mindset - ready to attack some tasks on my to-do list when I got home.  

After wasting an hour or two in front of the TV watching Drag Race, I got up and finished choreographing a new track for BOOSTfit. I picked my music for my return to my radio segment and I headed off to BOOSTfit for the Friday "Party class" at Limspfield.

I took most of the class on the low but it felt good to move. The atmosphere with, Jennie, Lisa, Sarah and I teaching was really electric, everyone seemed in good spirits and it was a really fun class.

I showed the choreo to Jen & Sarah and they seemed to really like the track, so I will try and record it soon so maybe Lou will use it for #BOOSTme.  Fingers crossed she likes it!

I headed straight from class up to Caterham for my radio show. I was really nervous about returning mainly due to my fear surrounding the pain of being sat down for 2 hours. I didn't manage to sit comfortably at all, so I stood for the 2 hours, but that was totally doable for the show. 

All in all I am really happy with my progress today.  I feel good and strong.

Can't wait for class tomorrow - should be fun :)

xXx

Diary Entry - Wednesday 2nd January

#deardiary
Now I could scold myself for not writing my entries for the last 2 days or I could accept that experiencing life was far more important than writing about it.  I have had a really nice end to 2018 followed by a tiring but rewarding beginning to 2019.
Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up
*I will give you a cookie if you can name the film that line comes from*

NYE
Went to Honest Burger in #LondonBridge for an early dinner with Small Child, The Boy and Siânus.




I didn't want to not celebrate the NY in some way so I concocted a slightly over ambitious plan to walk from my work place in London Bridge to Blackfriars along the river to see how close we could get to the fireworks.  We took a slow walk up the river a little further than Blackfriars (We plotted up just outside The National Theatre) we found a bench and with my trusty ring cushion in tow, I took a load off the tootsies to await the countdown. I expected it to be far colder than it actually was, it was quite mild to be honest (9°c)  We had about 1/3 of the wheel in our direct view, although it was obscured by trees we still saw a lot of beautiful fireworks. The trek back to London Bridge was a struggle I'm not gonna lie.  A walk that should have taken me 25 mins, took me over an hour and a half.  Maybe I had been a tad ambitious in doing something so physical but until I try things, I won't know what my healing body can /can't handle.  I am glad I tried - even though I ended up in pain as a result.  I had a lovely evening and it was nice to get out, get a bit of fresh air and do something that improved my mood somewhat.


NYD
We all went to my Mum's house for lunch.  My Dad was supposed to be cooking a roast dinner and Mum had told us to bring our traditional sausagemeat stuffing and veg to accompany the meal.  Somewhere wires got crossed.  My Dad had only cooked Curry, completely unaware that Mum No. 2 didn't eat curry.  So when we arrived, The Boy & I were determined to make sure we had a roast dinner too, even if it was a makeshift one.  Off we popped to Tesco, we grabbed some chicken thighs, some frozen throw in the oven potatoes, good ole Aunt Bessie's yorkshires and some frozen mixed veg.  We made one hell of a cheat roast and it was lovely to spend some more time with the family.

TODAY
Today was meant to be my first day back at work.  I was meant to do a day's work from home however, work's IT team had other ideas.  My Laptop wouldn't log me back into the network, so I had very little choice but to go into the office to let IT work their magic!  This evening I went back to my first BOOSTFit class in Horley.  It was awesome to do a little exercise and to see some familiar faces.


 PLAN FOR TOMORROW
- I offered to do some hours from home in the morning to show willing that I am flexible in my return to work.
- PeaJuice is off work until Friday - so she is hoping to pop up for a visit.  Excited to see her.

Hope you guys had a fabulous NY - what did you get up to?

xXx


Diary Entry: Sunday 30th December

#deardiary
Hello Sunday - I officially dub thee #SelfCareSunday. 

I am in serious need of some decent pampering.  When money isn't an issue, my ideal type of R&R is a spa trip complete with massage, facial and pedicure.  Right now - I just do not have the funds to accommodate my expensive pastime so I have found a way to bring the spa to me!
First up; a hot bubble bath with a cup of Epsom Salts & Radox - Muscle Soak. I lit the candles (even the flameless ones and relaxed into the suds with a Spotify meditation playlist.
I gave myself a mini-facial. I always start with an exfoliant; Goldfaden MD Doctor's Scrub.  This little pot of heaven is one of the most expensive skincare products I own, but it is worth it's weight in gold as it has really rejuvenated my tired and dull complexion.  I have quite severe acne scarring and hyper-pigmentation and over the years I have tried hundreds of products in an attempt to clear my skin.  This product was originally recommended by my bestie Sian, who used to work at top beauty chain Space:NK and I am eternally grateful for the recommendation; my wallet however does not agree!  This 100ml container will set you back £65.00 daylight robbery - I know!  My first bottle was kindly gifted to me by Sian and at the time, I had no idea of the hefty price tag. I always knew it would be expensive, but not quite that much.  I was so impressed with the results that I haven't thought twice about paying for a new pot. 
Today I trialled a 7th Heaven Manuka Honey facemask which was meant to be a peeling mask.  I had seen people raving about these masks all over the net, so I was really keen to try it but I'm sad to say it didn't work for me.  The mask smelt heavily of honey, a scent that I am not that keen on and even though I set my timer for 25 mins to allow it to dry, it did not peel off.  I ended up having to scrub it off my face.
After patting my face dry with a clean towel, Yes pat, not wipe I spritzed my face in my second fave product; Jurlique Rosewater Balancing Mist.  This is yet another product which since Sian recommended it, I have been hooked.  This is another quite pricey product for something that is basically water but again I have found that this really gives my skin an instant hydration boost.  You can buy Jurlique products direct from them or through many online retailers. This little 50ml bottle is perfect for travel (as it's under 100ml) and it will set you back between £14-20 depending on retailer.
I finish off my facial with a botanical day cream from my favourite product brand; Garnier UK.  I use the Natural Rose Water Moisturiser for Sensitive Skin to massage some life back into my face leaving it feeling supple and revitalised.
Just like my skincare, I am very picky about my shampoo/conditioners, I once tried to follow the Curly Girl method, but I am both lazy and like to style my curls with heat products far too often, so I never stuck to it.  I do however always look for products with no sulphates, silicone or parabens.  I rarely stray from my fave brand with shampoo/conditioner.  I use their Ultimate Blends range for both, I have trialled many of the scents but always favour the ones with coconut in.  My fave combo is the Argan & Camelia Oils shampoo & conditioner, but it is so hard to find in stores these days!  I do still "plop" my hair when I am opting for my natural curls.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to straighten my hair so I didn't apply any product before plopping, I just wrapped in an old t-shirt rather than towel drying which really drys out my curls and causes unnecessary frizz. One curl clearly didn't get the plopping memo!!
Body lotion is a MUST in my world. My skin is usually quite dry, so when I found Garnier's Hydralock body lotion, I knew I would never use another body cream again.  Unfortunately, many shops have stopped stocking this product which makes me so sad, so I have to order it only and sometimes finding it can be quite tricky, I will persevere though cos this lotion is THE best body lotion I have ever tried, it doesn't leave your skin feeling dry even when it has fully absorbed, it really does lock in the moisture!
I finish off my self care ritual by sticking on my AromaWorks Electric Diffuser which I bought myself as my birthday treat. I adore the lemongrass essential oil scent, so I add a few drops to the water and bask in the relaxing smell.
What do you use to wind down, relax? Or what are your steps to self care?

I feel all pampered and ready to conquer the week ahead.
Nite nite world

xXx

Diary Entry: Saturday 29th December

#deardiary
Apologies, I have been rather waylaid today.  I have thoroughly #Hinched my bathroom, blitz my living room and did a deep clean on my bedroom. I have been a very very busy Kitty.


I am pooped - I'm pretty sure that if I were not fighting an infection I would have cleaned at a much faster speed, but I didn't rush; I took my time, took regular chocolate breaks and managed to conquer some major chunks of my to-do list. Well done you.

I didn't want to enter into a new year living in squalor and holding onto useless shit that I have neither looked at nor needed over the last 12 months.  A deep cleanse is good for the soul.

I threw away all the half used products that were cluttering my bath sides, I got under my bed and sorted through all my handbags, got a tonne of bags and odds & sods to take over to a charity shop tomorrow. I dragged every item of clothing in my wardrobe out to sort and refold to make space for my Spring '19 wardrobe.

I plan to give myself ONE task to tackle each non-working day to keep me busy until I am back to work full time;


  • I need to finish listing my mountain of clothes on Vinted.
  • I need to sort my coats & jackets cupboard - donate or sell what I am not using.
  • I have a pile of clothing that needs to be shot/blogged
  • I have over 180GB of images to sort through and rehouse appropriately.
  • I need to learn the new BOOST tracks and record them.
  • I need to finish choreographing my five new tracks, to send to Lou for her approval.
  • I need to pick 2 hours worth of music for my first show back at Ridge Radio (in our new location)


I am sure there are more jobs - but these are the ones that spring to mind immediately.

One job a day is a SMART goal. It is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-Based.  Oh won't Vanessa (my therapist) be proud of me!

Small Child has a lift home from her party so for now - I'm off to eat a Sloppy Giuseppe, take a HOT bath and relax in my lovely clean flat.  All is right in the world.

Xx

On Wednesday's We Wear #PinkClove

#candycanes
This Candy Cane invite from Pink Clove UK had me gagging from the second I unwrapped it.

Of course I would attend their Pre Christmas Meal - I mean c'mon was there ever gonna be a reality where I declined this invite!?


The not-so subtle #MeanGirls tag lines reeled me in hook, line & sinker.  #YouCANSitWithUs and #OnWednesdaysWeWearPinkClove were just genius!

The invite even said "A Candy Cane for you and none for Gretchen Weiners...Bye" 

The dress code was #FETCH - so I just had to find myself the most #MeanGirlsesque outfit to make sure I was living my "Plastics" fantasy!

I found the cutest little check skirt from Pink Clove which is currently reduced in the sale down to just £10.99. You can grab it here. I teamed it with a blush coloured sweater and fluffy pink heels. 


We all arrived at the plush lunch venue in time for cocktails.  Rosso was decked in crisp white, silver and gold Christmas decorations in preparation for the festive season. It looked so pretty, I wished I could take pics all over this venue - but when it's crammed and people are there to eat and be merry it's not really appropriate to hold a mini photo-shoot (please - who am I kidding, like that stopped us!)


I asked the bartender to make me a sweet daiquri. Many people assume you want a frozen strawberry one, don't get me wrong I love that drink, but I fancied a straight. It didn't disappoint, it was made to perfection.


After a short delay we were seated at our table complete with crackers and a delectable menu.  Aww we even had place names and gift bags - the PinkClove Team have really pulled out all the stops.


All the other ladies had ordered this stunning little number. When I saw it had candy floss in it - I had to try it. You guys know I adore candy floss.  The "Hed Kandi" is originally made with Vodka, now as you guys may not know, I am allergic to Vodka. No I don't mean like, drink too many and it makes me sick, I mean full anaphylaxis - hives, throat closure, stomach pumped, full allergic reaction, so I asked the bartender to sub the vodka out and replace with some other spirit that would compliment the flavours.  He rolled with white rum - works for me. The drink was delish and I cannot recommend it enough.


Dinner was divine. Each course was cooked to perfection and well presented.  Portion sizes were perfect for me. The sign of a good feed is a well sated Kat.

I started with the Zuppa Di Porri - a creamed leek, parsnip & potato soup with crispy onions. Such a delicious fusion of flavours. Would have loved a bread roll to accompany it, but hey!

For mains I chose the Porchetta Arrosto - Slow roasted pork belly with chestnut mash and spiced
apple & mustard chutney. One word - WOW! It was cooked just right, even the crackling was tasty and I am not usually a crackling fan.  All the flavours gave just the right amount of Christmas zing.  It was truly a tasty dish.

Afters was a trio of bitesize desserts. Trionfo Di Dolce Alla Rosso - Spiced clementine & mincemeat trifle slice, Panettone dark chocolate truffle and Earl grey infused sticky toffee pudding. I didn't want that little plate of goodness to end, it was utterly to die for - especially that trifle slice!


After feeding it was time to mingle with the other babes, leaving plenty of time for selfies, Mean Girls trivia and quick fire Christmas questions.






Cracker time deffo called for Christmas Crowns - PINK of course! 


I had only met Ami beforehand so meeting the other ladies was a real treat. I had followed Laurie, Kayleigh and Joey on Instagram for a while so I was a tad starstruck and meeting Harry and Sophie really made my day. These ladies are such bad ass babes and I had a blast with them and the Pink Ladies. 
I want to extend a huge thank you from all of us to the #PinkLadies of PinkCloveUK for thinking of every little detail to make this day out so special.


I had the best time.

Merry Christmas Y'all

xXx

Diary Entry; Friday 28th December

#deardiary
Some days just do not go to plan. FACT. The real test is more about how you deal with that statement.

Yesterday I didn't do anything on my to-do list... not one thing.

It got to around 3pm and I figured that I needed daylight to do many of the tasks and seeing as the sun was due to set in less than an hour, I unwillingly accepted defeat.

Well done Kat, failed at life...again.

I retired to my couch in my Mickey Mouse Pjs, using my fluffy new throw to block out the world, while I ate far too much pâté and binge-watched season three of How To Get Away With Murder.

Keeping my mind busy while negative thoughts at present is easier said than done.  I couldn't shake the feeling that I had really let myself down, wasted precious time and let my negativity win. I found myself feeling really low, despondent and frustrated in myself.

I find that it's really easy to let those kind of thoughts win in scenarios like this. Especially at times when I am struggling with rationalising my thoughts and balancing my moods. In my rational mind (when I am not struggling) I can usually accept that some things just do not go to plan, accept that I am not a failure and plan to tackle my jobs on another day without beating myself up about it. The reality is that at the moment, I am struggling. There is no shame in that. I am not rationalising my negative thoughts very well at all.

I have recently started my second course of CBT to help me cope with my depression & anxiety.  CBT really helped me back in 2012 when I hit my lowest ebb, so I was keen to see if it could help again. I am pleased to say that I think it really does help me. I get that it may not suit everyone but for me I find it extremely cathartic to be able to talk to someone completely impartial.  Talking to friends and family is sometimes just not as helpful as it may seem. I often find that talking to friends can actually result in me slipping into the role of the listener. That's not a bad thing at all, friendship is meant to be a two way street so I am happy to be the listening ear if a friend needs me. However talking to my therapist is different.  She just listens, without knowing the people involved or being present in the situations she is able to offer advice and support without prejudice or opinion which helps me rationalise the situation myself.

So using some of the tools that I learnt in CBT I managed to dig myself out of my funk. I figured that I could make a plan to tackle the jobs tomorrow (today).

I planned to get up nice and early... Check!
I planned to write today's entry.... Check!
I planned to try my hardest to do at least one job on my list... not just yet. It is early still. I have the whole day ahead of me and I am feeling good.


How do you guys rationalise negative thoughts?

Xx

Diary Entry; Thursday 27th December

#deardiary
Morning All,

Woke up with warm winter sun rays beating through my curtains, shining uneccessarily brightly in my tired eyes. Pretty sure my eyes are glued shut from all the nasty excess eyegunk that seems to accumulate when you're full of cold, but I can feel the rays nonetheless. It's morning...yay! *said with sarcasm* I'm still tired and I feel like a truck has bulldozed me in the night. I fight all urges to roll over and return to the land of nod. Bed sooo comfy and warm...outside mean and cold...

Get up Kat

No one else is awake. Small Child in true Kevin & Perry form is fast asleep and will only surface with the smell of bacon or the promise of McDonald's breakfast. The Boy is  stirring...he won't wanna wake up just yet. No need, he's still full of cold too thanks to "Sicky Vicky" (Small Child) who shared her lurgie with us all. Sharing a cold is not caring guys, FYI.

Poxy work phone is now making noises and The Boy stirs with every one. I reach over turn it onto mute. Less than 2 mins later the same inanimate object is yet again making noises. I just put u on mute...literally just 2 minutes ago why are u still making noise?


It's clearly some notification that bypasses the mute override function, meh I hate Apple products. On Android it does what it's told. Silent means SILENT. Stupid poxy work phone. I miss my BlackBerry. 


Oh man I hear the dustbin men clambering around outside. I'm pretty sure I haven't taken my food bin downstairs. What week is it? Is it black bin day or recycling day? What even day is it? Isn't it bin day Tuesday, I swear today is Thursday?!  Sod it, I ain't rushing around trying to catch the bin men, did I mention it's cold outside?? The bins won't die if they miss one rotation. I hope Mum No. 2 has done us a solid and took it down for us cos that bin reaks when it ain't emptied. *Mum No. 2 is my M.I.L, she lives in the same block of flats just the floor above us* Still not important enough to drag my arse outta bed to check. I will have to trust in good faith that she has.


Today's plan; Get up, Grab some brekkie and attack my list of jobs with a new found purpose. Who made this stupid plan? Lazing in bed sounds like a far more appealing option.
Urgh get thee behind me Satan, thou shalt not prevail today! I will get up...maybe not just yet...but I will at least make the effort to check one thing off my to-do list.


What time is it? Rah it's 10am already...No time like the present eh?


Wish me luck!!

I woke up like this *literally*!!

Xx